During Corona Break 2020, I have learned many new topics from my wife and many new nuances about my wife. For a review, feel free to see “What I Learned During Self-Quarantine With My Wife.”
Today, she taught me about social media influencers. There are these influencers on social media that she follows and they, I guess, influence. I’m not sure how that is a job or how one makes money from it, but based on what I learned today, I think I would be awesome at this job.
Today, my wife gave me The Five Things She Has Given Up from Meghan Edmonds King, who as far as I can tell is an influencer because she is married to former major league baseball player Jim Edmonds. The five things that have gone away for Edmonds King during social isolation are Underwear, Bras, Makeup, Fixing her Hair, and Deodorant.
Lynette says as she read the list, she went mental check note, check, check, check, check. Five for five. Had I brought up this list and my wife’s quarantine habits, I would be walking with a permanent limp, but I learned an Influencer has different rules than a husband.
This influenced me to think of five things I have given up and five things I have gained since March 13.
Five Things I’ve Given Up
- Going to the gym. Every day, without fail before the Corona Break, when I go to work I start my day in the gym at 5:30 AM. Since no gyms are open, there is no more pre-dawn workout.
- Levi’s. I’m a jeans and boots wearer. Unless it’s summer and I’m in cargo shorts, I wear boots and jeans when I leave the house. Not so much anymore. If you don’t go anywhere, there is not a huge need to get dressed for the day.
- Alarms. This is a game changer. I no longer set an alarm. Now, since I’m conditioned to wake up at 5:15 and go to the gym, I am still out of bed by 7:30, but it’s really cool to never hear that damn radar blaring noise. The simple act of never setting an alarm is completely overlooked in our culture and has been very liberating over the last month.
- Shaving. The CDC came out and said to shave your beard at the beginning of the virus, so I did. A month ago. That’s the last time I worried about facial hair. My neck beard is legit at the moment. I have no plans to start shaving anytime soon. I figure restarting the economy will be my key to restart the razor. I’m not even trimming it anymore and soon I may be trapped away from eating.
- Cooking dinner once a week. Now, hear me out. My wife does all the cooking in my house, and I mean all of it. I’m terrible. But, once a week or so, I take her to dinner, which I count as my night of cooking dinner. I know it doesn’t really count; that’s what she says, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. No more dinners out means it is getting really hard around here for me to hold up my end of the deal and there aren’t a lot of places to hide.
Five Things I’ve Gained
- Home workouts. I wrote a story about working out from home and following Jake Glaze’s at-home workouts. Surprisingly, I have really enjoyed it. If you’re looking for some inspiration or a way to stay in shape, go check his links in the above story.
- 2. Sweats.I have ordered three new pairs of Nike sweats off Amazon. Since I no longer wear Levi’s, it was becoming frowned upon to walk around all day with no lower half coverings. Now, I wear sweats almost all day, every day and I feel no shame for it. When everybody is wearing a mask out in the world, my personal standards have gone way down. Judge me all you want; at least I have a Crown Royal mask on.
- Quarantine Cut.My wife gave me an at-home haircut this week. Clipper #2 on top, Clipper #1 on the sides, kind of blend it in, and that’s all there is to it. It looks pretty sharp if I do say so myself. It really accentuates the neck beard and detracts from the diet I have been on for a month. Speaking of my diet. ..
- 4. Cookies for Breakfast.The dietary standards of The White House have digressed to the point that not just the oatmeal Monster cookies, but allcookies, count as breakfast. My wife argues that they all have eggs and flour in them and that’s breakfast-like. I am not arguing with her, especially in food-related matters.
- 5. Take out dinners. Since I can’t take my wife to dinner, I have learned various places that are providing curbside pickup for dinners. This is the only way I contribute to feeding our house. I know, I’m terrible.
I have lots of other details I have lost and gained.
As a teacher, I wear business casual clothes almost every day. I wear a shirt and tie every Tuesday. I may not even remember how to tie a tie by the time this is over and my fancy dress shoes are not getting many miles during the stay-at-home order.
I am saving a ton of money on gas but spending it all on crap from Amazon (like sweat pants). I am saving a ton of money by not eating out and buying drinks with dinner, but I’m spending it all on at-home alcohol.
I no longer go to school but working from home isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For those of you that aren’t teaching from home, it is incredible how many more meetings I have than when I just went to school.
It is also incredible how fast the day goes. I thought that time would drag by working from home, but it’s flying by. I can barely get work done during the day and it’s time to move from the office to the couch and finally relax around here.
Speaking of in-house movement, my wife rushes out of bed every morning to get to the couch. She works from there, so I can’t tell if she is working, influencing, being influenced, or ordering more crap from Amazon. Whatever she’s doing right now, I have her to thank for this story idea.
I do know she’s going to kill me if I don’t order a pizza tonight.